good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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