I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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