I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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