that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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