I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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