i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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