You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
