It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize