called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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