She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
