I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
