I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize