It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
