i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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