and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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