You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
