im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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