i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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