id be glad to
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
