Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
