Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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