Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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