i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
