you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
