Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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