you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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