is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
