Those balls look pretty dangerous.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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