Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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