I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
