Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
