she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
