I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
