it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
