It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
