tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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