Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize