my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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