I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
