how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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