I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
