just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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