Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize