A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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