Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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