The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
