you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
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