Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
