dude i'm inner monologue high
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
