i think my tv is drunk
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
