we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
