i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
