Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
