think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
