I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
