my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
