Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
