So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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