it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
