there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
