She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
