He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
