god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
