this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
