I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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