So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
