Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
