She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
