the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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