No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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